And so we are there. Two of my children have reached the age where I married. Based on that awareness I have to wonder why didnt my parents tie me up and hide me in the fruit room. Surely they knew I was in no way prepared to enter into such a contract, commitment or covenant. Yet I did. We made eleven thousand dollars that first year and still felt it was enough to treat ourselves to a California vacation, complete with a moldy bug infested motel.
For there birthday we had an early celebration Sunday of balloons with two dollar bills and each got one of their favorite childhood movies Pocahontas.
So what is just around the riverbend on 1/11/11?
Taylor asked me last night ,"So what was so great about your 22nd year of life"
Noteworthy is the fact that my first year of marriage happened during my 22nd year of life.
But of greater importance are the things I learned that year.
I learned about pain and fear as I discovered the invasion of a life force I could not control entered into my young body. The big "C" cancer became my new life.
I learned about grief and loss as I lost the ability to shut my eye, close my lips, or complete a smile. Everything balanced and symetrical about my every day girlish face turned into drooping and noticeable loss.
I learned about surrender and humility. I recently heard that the surest way to make God laugh is to tell him what you have planned for your life. I hated not knowing the plan or how long the plan would hurt and feel hopeless but there was always one sure source of knowledge that could comfort and uphold me . Always through prayer rather on my knees or with hands on my head there were messages of comfort and hope that he knew me and my pain personally.
I also learned about recue and relief . Some things I could not do on my own. Your dad, my parents, siblings, nurses, docotrs, all acted as ministering angels carrying me through places and paths I could not go alone.
I learned that things get better but never all better. Not that there are no happy endings but that our story never says "The End" So while I can close my lips and shut my eyes I still have a droopy half smile and problems with my radiated teeth and ear. Some pains we keep with us.
It might sound more poetic if I could back up the magic of 22 with a fairytale honeymoon but we could only afford a weekend in Salt Lake . It would be great if I could tell about the condo we bought but we rented for the first 12 years of marriage. It would be super cute if I could talk about our new lifetime career, and pink bundles of joy but we had to wait 3 years before we could have you and well I finished school at the age of 44 and your dads hoping for his second career to launch before he is 50.
So the hope I have for you my daughters in this 22nd year is that you will realize the purpose of the pain and the sorrow is the growth. The enormous potential you have is achieved through pretty giant failures. Learn from them and move on with that great awareness. Every fine characteristic you have came from definitive moments. Life is hard and unfair for reasons you have yet to know. I can look back now and it is all clear. I no longer feel the burns or nausea of radiation but I recall that tender time and all he did to shape me.
Here is my favorite version of His Eye Is On The Sparrow it reminds me just who and why Iam when Im unsure.
I love you the mostest. Im your number one
Mom
5 comments:
Wow! That's all I can say. OHH Terri I love you - girls you were blessed beyond measure when you got Terri Lynn for your Momma! Happy Happy Birthday Squared!
Happy 22nd Beautiful Girls!!!
Terri, your words never cease to bring a tear to my eye. You have such an amazing heart and your spirit is full of grace and goodness. What a beautiful message you've given your girls and how lucky they are to have YOU as a mom. Thanks for letting me hear about the truths you've learned.
Proud to be your brother. Hope your girls know how blessed they are to have you.
I was too young to understand what you went through at 22, but I see how it has shaped you. The Refiner's Fire is beautiful, but painful. Happy 22nd to "The Twins".
Ter- You are such an amazing person. The tremendous battles we face are a tribute to our spirits. You have had some divine tutelage in your lifetime and it has made you the kind of mother and sister, wife and daughter that lifts so many with your insight. I am confident that both you & your family are perfectly & profoundly where you are meant to be. Happy Birthday Kate & Becca I love you both.
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