So recently I have been heavy hearted with weighty matters. Usally I keep a pretty level perspective in regards to being responsible to people and not responsible for them. However when you share intimate life space it can be precarious. A week ago I had an honest and sensitive conversation on the heart pains of raising young adults . The struggles and choices of my children are more obvious thanks to the daily updates of the virtual world. It would be so much easier on me if thier struggles and imperfections were hidden from public view, but I also relish the fact that nothing is ever hidden in regards to my children. So the conversation danced a little on my heart as I spoke outloud about things that are personally painful. Can we do that? Can we speak of our own pain and inperfection without isolating and alienating ourselves. I think Im starting to understand why lepers kept themselves hidden. People naturally gravitate towards perfection. Symetrical faces are more beautiful. Symetrical lives easier on the eye also.
So Saturday night when I went to the UVU basketball game and caught in my vision the sight of one I loved dressed in something I didnt love, well I let it irritate me the entire game. Ive been working on my come to Jesus speech for when she shows up for Sunday family dinner.
Luckily I found my February Ensign and just happened to begin with the article titled" Parables of the Lost and Found" . Heavenly Father is constantly dropping seeds of greatness for us but not always is our soil fertile enough to receive them. Today the ground was tilled with the churning of my acheing and angry heart and the tears of my soul were ready to nourish the Fathers message .
I realized that there are three players in the parable of the Prodigal son. 1) a contrite and seeking sinner 2) a loving, vigilant, compassionate father and 3) a selfrighteous, judgemental son fearful of the inequity of treatment.
Who am I in the story?
How about all of them.I have wandered paths unbecoming a daughter of God and left my parents fearful of my future. I have held so many broken hearts physically and professionally. There is a saying "take your shoes of your about to walk on holy ground" That is the work I do every day with sorrowful hearts and in the walls of my home. Yet somedays . I really want to give a lecture show distain and intolerance. After all I raised you better and your actions are a reflection of me...right.
Wrong... Heaveny Father is the true keeper of our souls our very individual sorrowful misguided souls. He has no ill will as to when we come unto him only joy that we do so. So today I can embrace her at dinner enjoy her sweetness and leave the fairness to him. He reaches into the darkness and sees all pain he searches for every bleeting spirit. This answer feels so much better