A recent conversation with Roman

"Hi my bubber chubberness . Lets put a bib on your juicy face"

"Gwa ma thats not a bib its my cape."

" I am BATMAN!"

" As a matter of fact gwa ma I can prove it "

"Look at my beefy legs for quick take off."

I know buddy thats why we call you Roo your a good jumper.

" And gwa ma I have a serious 6 pack"

" I know buddy thats how you rolled over at 2 1/2 months, your very strong"

"Lets just have a warm bottle we can talk about this later."

"Gwa ma you just gotta believe me."

" I know my stinky face. You wish you were Batman."

A few minutes later...............................................

"What??!... oh my nugget you are my SUPER HERO, how could I have ever doubted.

OH Baby

23 years ago I brought two of the most fragile little spirits into the world. It was a euphoric day for me. I arrived at the hospital to far into the process to have any painkiller but honestly I don't remember it being crazy pain just crazy. I was in no way prepared for what was to come. We had no cribs diapers nothing, and that was to be the least of my worries! Now we have tripped, danced, jogged down the roads of life and well I still seem to think your fragile regardless of how much you can bench press

Dec 12 I took another journey in the world of parenting I accompanied Becca to the labor room . At first it was all thrilling and exhilarating as we hoped for a quick return on the investment. The time drew slowly on and I watched as laboring really began. I hope I had a brave face on as I would often say"This is all normal ." It didnt feel normal it was frightening and vulnerable and I wanted to be there for her but not prepared to witness her pain. That is true for all of the years of mothering . However the last month has been a very concentrated dose of reality.

I thought we walked right to the edge of survival with Becca's life and certainly with Romans. No food for 48 hours no sleep for 72 nothing left to give battered bruised and broken the fight had to continue. Its as if God wants you to taste many life lessons right there at the pinnacle creation of your relationship with a child. This will be exhausting , you will have to give way beyond you believe you are capeable, your sacrifice is critical to the healthy life of this child, and I will not desert you we will do it together.

I saw the transformation the selfless love of my daughters that week. Kate would not leave Becca's side she stayed every night why I went home to rest. She served in every way she could think of . Becca was in so much pain and insisted that she feed her baby. I took her ina wheel chair to the NICU to meet her baby. It was so tender. I dont really have the artfull ability to capture the magic of the connectivity that happens when a mother meets her child. All mothers know well what I mean because the power of the moment is easily revisited

Babys are a short term treat you get out of the deal that is if you like the smell of powdery little heads and skin warm and tender resting on your chest. I was taught at the hands of the baby lover so I to love tiny people. Kate referred to me as Golum and Roman is my precious . I was kind of hovering over him like he was the last wonderful wriggling fish. He is my stinky face.

I know that this job of parenting is transforming for the parent but it is straight up forming for a child . A precious little blank slate waiting for you to imprint their personal value and trust in the world

I know you can be wonderful at this girls, because you are loving and gentle. Thier are many people of all ages who still need someone to imprint on them that they are valueable and safe. Im so pleased to be your mother today because I see that you have chosen to love wholey fearlessly. You know their is pain for sure with that choice and you do it anyway.

Happy Birthday Katie Happy Birthday Becca

I love you Mom

Thanksgiving fun 2011

Over the point of the mountain and through the road construction to Grandma's house we go.

I thought this was a particularly good year kids are growning and entertaining themselves , mothers got to sit , sing, and spell. Ginger brought thoughtful gifts from her storage closet. I got cinnamon toothpaste. We had a delicious dinner and for the first time in Idahoan history we ran out of mashed potatoes. However we did not run out of characters and delightful moments. I had a great time.

Dateing Again

For labor day Shawn and I went to the last outdoor performance at the Scera Schell. We saw what is known as the bestcover band for the Beattles the group was called 1964. Bec and Gabby came along and the night was delightful. The music was all the happy good stuff and Gabby is a Beattles music afficionado so she knew every word. We sang along and held hands under a blanket of stars. It was really a fun change from the dinner and a movie date. And so my wild hare grew from there.

Friday Sept 9 as soon as Gabby got home from school we loaded up our binoculars and blankets and headed for Usana Ampitheatre.I didnt have tickets but felt confident we could by some right at the venue so off we went to see Rascal Flatts and Sara Evans. We were stuck in a traffic jam for the better part of 2 hours but no matter Gabby and I talked and laughed at her elementary pranks. Most I had never heard or had "the rest of the story". Gooey black top on the school windows equals mean janitor apparently. Gab bought most of her own ticket and I upgraded us to real seats not a lawn lover. I had an absolute ball singing and dancing with the noodle and we were in awe of the great performance. My favorite part was Gabby referring to the Lead singer as Rascall Flatts apparently she thinks the band was named after him, sorry Gary. I thought it was so magical that the train kept on rolling.

Sept 13 I tell Tay he has a date with me and itsa surprise. I take him to Olive Garden where he has his beloved soup and a bowl of mussels. The conversation was great. Then we met Amy and Scott for our final destination. Un known to me there seems to be some dislike for soccer in the boys line of thinking due to Lacrosse being a real mans sport so he wasnt so thrilled to see a REAL Soccer game but we managed to find many things to laugh about and notice. Like the number of fowls that seem to be called for what appears to be feined injurys. We also laughed about Tays drunk pants since they wore a womans full cup of beer. The crowd was so enthused they were the funnest part listening to the chanting and drums. After the show one of my favorite bands played One Republic. I liked them even more after watching them perform. What rock bands use a cello or a bass. I had a great time .

Sept 22 I loaded Kate up in the car for her date. She had no idea what we were doing but she was excited for an adventure. We had dinner together at trhe Cheese Cake Factory itwas delicious and then I drove to Salt Lake and she began guessing. Not even close. We had to arrive at the Energy Solution Arena Marque for her to see what we were doing. She was like a little kid. Ringling Brother Circus!! It was A MAZING. Beautiful tigers, elephants, high wire acts on a bicycle, jugglers, strong men, the human cannon ball it was all there. It was enthralling and she was so child like and appreciative. Loved every minute of it.

Oct 1 Bec and I headed up the canyon we rode the chair lift at Sundance. I thought it would be soothing for her. It was tranquil and beautiful and we just swung our legs and relaxed. Then I took her to have coconut shrimp one of her favorites. I think it was very pampering for both of us. We looked at Old Navy clothes and little kids halloween costumes. Bec got osme new boots and we headed home happy and filled.

While that was a very indulgent month for me it was exactly what I wanted to do have some time together with each of my children reaffirming to me what great spirits they have and how wonderful it is to have them in my life. Last week I went for a ride with Shawn around the Alpine loop and we talked about planning some more of those meaningful memory maker dates for us.

Leftovers in their less visible form are called memories. Stored in the refrigerator of the mind and the cupboard of the heart. ~Thomas Fuller

Camp Pine Dell Aug 10-13, 2011

Its been 7 weeks since the actual family reunion but I opened a file of pictures this morning and I was right back there in my happy place. What a great 4 days we had together. I caravaned with Amy and Scott who rescued us from our cramped quarters taking on Gabby and coolers. Mom and dad joined our brigade as we headed into Idaho. We stopped at most of the known truck stops to man and a few other little places along the way including Costco. There was not one square inch of space left in any car that did not have hot dog buns or a watermellon in it.

The drive through Twin Falls was tapping 30 year old memories . Then we arrived at our destination and the delights began. For me the hilights are often the same with a fresh varnishing of sillyness , love and laughter. So here again are my favorites.

The kids playing unabashedly shamelessly covered in dirt, gogurt, toilet water, soot and marshmellow. If you can wear out a dirt hill sliding down it or a trail to a cabin for another private club party then it was done. I love that Zander delights in being a bouncer( do you have a ticket), Ethan a camp fire choir director with an English accent ( I got some in my caaaw),Bailey a tye dye expert( 4 pair of socks), Chloe the next generations late night game leader, Olivia the fastest thighs to ever sport a pair of Tina Turner leg warmers( you rocked it) .I loved that Ike, Ken, Kate, Bec, Tay all hiked together, that GJ and Tay disappear for and afternoon to share and catch up. That we sit together as friends for hours playing cards, singing disney songs, and bid in a frenzy with one another for a home made pillow or a bag of gummy sharks. Im forever bonded to the Holyoaks via the tail of our night in the mouses house, (get out of our cheezits and dont poll vault onto Gabby!) I love that we can all sing Journey or Jason Maraz songs at a drop of a hat to bolster a talent that needs support. Mostly I love that we are pretty happy together being ourselves.